DIARY OF A FRUSTRATED UNPUBLISHED AUTHOR!
September 28th 2010- Part nineteen. Postcard from Menorca
Hello, I’m back, like the proverbial bad penny.
Good news- I didn’t get nibbled by any fiendish mosquitoes! Hooray! Bad news- I didn’t get nibbled by anything of human form either! Boo!
The weather in Menorca was changeable to say the least, there were storms, wind; rain and unfortunately the sun spent a lot of time hiding, but on the plus side I do have some white bits! I had the most amazing room. When I threw open the balcony door I literally gasped with delight at the view. On one side was the deep navy blue sea complete with lighthouse, then directly below were the lush grounds with two swimming pools. Over on the right was the uber-expensive marina where I could frequently be found shouting ‘Hello sailor!’ to anyone who’d listen. After dark the vista would change, the boats seemed to bob up and down on the almost black millstone water, casting different coloured lights like Royal gems of India. One down side to the room occurred after I’d had a couple of pitchers of sangria. When comatose with alcohol lying prostrate on my bed, my eyes became strangely drawn to a shape in the plaster on the ceiling. I convinced myself there was a head of a yeti up there and he had the desire to devour me. Terrifying!!
On the first evening, whilst dining in the restaurant the manager came up to me to shake my hand. Bless his little cotton socks, he actually remembered me from my previous visit. Is that a good thing do you think? Or had I disgraced myself so horribly he couldn’t fail to recall my naughtiness. Not sure if it was anything to do with my hazy memories of dancing with ‘Dizzy the Dolphin’. I hasten to add ‘Dizzy’ was a holiday rep in a zip-up suit. Any rumours of further ‘goings on’ with the said dolphin are all diabolical lies! Sadly the rep was nowhere to be seen this time. I hope I didn’t put him off repping! Not everyone is as ‘difficult’ as I am........sorry. Perhaps his employers didn’t appreciate his sudden appearance in the pages of the Sunday papers. This year the head of the entertainment team was Antonio and he was very amusing. He spent the entire time encouraging everyone to twist his nipples, spank his bottom whilst calling his name (I resisted the urge)! Ha-ha.
I hate to admit it, but what started out as such a good idea turned out to be a bit of a holiday nightmare. I was a little tipsy as I walked towards a huge mechanical rodeo bull. I’m only 5ft 2in so I wondered with mounting fear how I was going to get up onto the beast. I clambered up as stylishly and elegantly as possible, after all you never know when your knight in shining armour is going to pass your way. I sat astride the brutish animal, wrapping my eager thighs around tightly, feeling strangely confident............yes I was actually going to do it! That was the last thought I had before the man proceeded to turn the machine on. Then it was scarcely 2 minutes before I came crashing down headfirst onto the dirty floor. How embarrassed was I? I picked myself up and hobbled away from the horrible animal rubbing my buttocks as I went (in the most dignified and chic manner I could muster). I looked around......nobody appeared to have noticed my unfortunate misdemeanour. I can assure you I won’t be repeating my alcohol induced adventure in the future. Two Euros was not well spent!!!
I was sorely disappointed to find no word of my screenplay, short story or novel. I was imagining arriving home to thousands of acceptance letters (I have a vivid imagination). I’m guessing if it was good news I would have heard something by now. So once again I feel like giving up and retreating into a dark corner with my tail between my legs.......but I have 3 months left of my year to make my dreams happen, so I must plod on.
I can’t believe it is only September and some shops have started decorating them for Christmas already! It sure makes you forget your holiday fast, from sun-cream to sparkly tinsel in precisely one week.
The next blog will be written by a guest blogger! No it isn’t Colin Firth although he would be more than welcome to do it, if he so wishes. Anyone speaking to him in the not too distant future could indeed mention it!
Be good and take care, people.
P.D. Scott x
(With bruised bum cheeks!)