DIARY OF A DOWN-TRODDEN, EX-AUTHOUR!
December 2010-Final thoughts............Swan song.
Well it is the middle of December already. I can’t believe a year has now passed since I started to pursue the task of getting my books into print. I think it’s time to let go of my dreams now! It is with a heavy heart I write my final blog.
Over the last few months I have been looking on the ‘I Need a Literary Agent’ page on Facebook. It is filled with people just like me and I’m not stupid enough to think my books are any better than theirs, in fact they are probably worse. I have come to the conclusion that I am rubbish at this literary lark! Clearly I am no ‘Mystic Meg’ either, because I was convinced 2010 would be the year my books would finally take off.
Still no closer in finding an elusive literary agent, I have therefore put down my pen for the last time mid-book and as from now, P.D. Scott- Author, will be no more. After all, only a fool wouldn’t know when they’ve been beaten!
I’m not sure what I’ll do with my life as I feel much like a burst balloon and as I have been writing since Kew Gardens was only a flower pot , I’m unsure what route I’ll take. Pole-dancing, belly dancing or lap-dancing perhaps....who knows? Or maybe I could go on a course to become proficient enough to repair and service refrigerators. You never know when Colin Firth’s fridge will break down again. Then our eyes would lock over a packet of frozen peas and as they say in Mamma Mia! Dot, dot, dot.............
I would like to thank you for putting up with my mental ranting - you all deserve medals. Thanks also for all your kind words of encouragement and support concerning my crazy blogs and for not sending me any abusive messages, I bet you were tempted.
Firstly let me take a minute to thank my friends, deranged Chris & Zoe and manic Michelle, for allowing me to rib them mercilessly in my blogs. Some of it true and other sections I admit were laced with a touch of artistic license.
I would also like to take time to thank Norwich based actor David Blood who has been really lovely and kept me sane with lots of words of encouragement. He even offered his services to make my dream come true by bringing his friend and fellow thespian/director Peter Sowerbutts to my house to read out my screenplay to me. You see, I mentioned once how it would be wonderful for any writer to hear their work portrayed by actors. How kind, but I couldn’t accept their offer......how embarrassing would it have been if they thought it was a load of tosh? Thanks anyway guys, you are both legends.
I had genuine messages telling me not to give up from the actress and presenter Terri Dwyer which were gratefully received too. I will always remember her kindness in my down days.
Last shout out goes to the suave and funny Peter Howard Sherlock. He often seduces me with bargains of Tommy & Kate handbags and perfume from my favourite Sit-Up TV shopping channels. A couple of months back I was eating my Sunday roast and was astounded when Peter started talking about me and my mad blogs! It was extremely nice of him but it did make me spray my potato everywhere. Thanks anyway Peter.
This blog is sounding more and more like an acceptance speech for an ‘Oscar’ sorry!
Facebook friends, Twitter followers and fellow Firth lovers I would like to say farewell, it’s been an absolute pleasure to get to know you all.
I hope you are aware I have bared my soul for you, but as Bridget Jones would say “It’s only a diary...everyone knows diaries are full of crap!”
Happy Christmas to each and every one of you, I hope you have a prosperous and peaceful New Year.
I would like to take the opportunity to wish you well in your dreams, however extreme or bizarre.
I say good bye with a tear in my eye.
Has anyone got a paper shredder?
NOTE TO COLIN FIRTH: This is the moment when you rush in...... sweep me up into your arms and
carry me off into the sunset!!! It’s not gonna happen is it? Shame!!
NOTE TO HUGH GRANT: This is the moment when you give up harassing me!