DIARY OF A FRUSTRATED UNPUBLISHED AUTHOR! Jan. 12th 2010 – Part 2 Update on the books: I am still waiting with baited breath to hear from a literary agent in London. No news is supposed to be good news isn’t it? I have been very hard working and studious with my screen play. You’ll be pleased to learn that I have cut my coffee breaks down considerably and cut the biscuits out completely because I am now on the slimfast diet. Soon I shall be a delicious, slim vision of loveliness (in my head anyway!) I admit with much disgrace I haven’t cut out watching films containing a certain film star. Also I have heard on the grapevine that the film Dorian Gray (starring C.Firth) is being released soon on D.V.D. and I just know that my body will be overtaken with a mad urge to purchase it. I will try not to succumb ,honest! I do try hard to be good but obviously not hard enough. I suppose you could say I’m easily led. My addiction for shopping channels is under control!! I haven’t bought anything this year but I do confess to looking through my fav. channels though. I am so cheesed off with all the snow (global warming eh?) Until the snow clears I can’t make full use of my exciting Christmas gift. You’ll never guess.......I was given a box of reindeer poo from two deranged friends (Chris and Zoe). Not the average present I agree but it has to be the most original! In the box with the dung are a few Christmas tree seeds which you plant in the garden with the poo and in a few years lo and behold you have a tree ready to decorate with your favourite baubles. Great eh? I have decided in order to achieve maximum success with my novels I need to put a ‘Cosmic Order’ in to the Universe. Not sure how I go about it exactly but it certainly hasn’t done Noel Edmonds any harm has it? THE PLAN I will pick a quiet half hour and retreat to the bedroom, light candles and put on my indoor water feature. (for atmosphere). Then pour a glass of red wine (to relax) and chant over and over my list of wishes. WISH LIST 1 Please could my novels finally get published? 2 Could my screen play get snapped up by Hollywood, the B.B.C., Channel 4 (or anyone really)? 3 Could I see my characters brought to life by talented actors (yes one in particular!) 4 Could you give me the strength to keep me on my diet until May (holiday to Cyprus, must look fierce in beachwear) 5 I would also like the power to say ‘no’ to Copper Based Saucepans from the T.V. I don’t exactly know the time scale I’m expected to wait before things happen or don’t happen. I know it won’t happen instantly but would three to six months be reasonable? What do you think? Yes? No? All goals are reachable if a little bit of luck sprinkled with angel dust comes my way. (Not too sure about No. 3 though I’m not that lucky!) I’ll let you know if miracles really do happen!! The task for this week must be to get on the internet and get more addresses from literary agents to send my work out to. They tell you to send a synopsis and your first three chapters out to them. It’s difficult to condense a 200 page book into an A4 piece of paper. What do they expect to learn from that? They can’t possibly get to know the characters and care about what happens to them in that short time can they? I’m not one to moan but it’s hard being me! Oh well I suppose I’ve ranted on for long enough. I really am a Frustrated Unpublished Author!