DIARY OF A FRUSTRATED UNPUBLISHED AUTHOR!
Feb. 12th 2010- Part four
Sorry for the delay with the blog but as the weather’s been better I have been busy in the garden. If you can imagine a lion tamer complete with whip and chair, then you can only come close to my exploits. I have been taming my bamboo! Yes, it seems to want to populate the world starting with my garden. Not only is it taking over the flower bed but it is sending out runners underneath the lawn. So I think the only possible answer is to buy a pair of Giant Pandas to eat it up!! I do love my bamboo even though it behaves in a crazed manner. Unfortunately my little orange tree didn’t make it through the winter. -R.I.P.
Hoorah! I’ve had some positive feedback concerning my book. I’ve heard from some publishers and they said that my book looks like an entertaining read!!!! So are they going to publish it? No! They don’t accept unsolicited books through the post. Can you believe it they told me to get a literary agent? Honestly, one step forward and sixteen back........I think I’m going to shoot myself. (Don’t fret I only said it for effect, I haven’t got a gun and I’m a coward.) I still have to hear from another two literary agents. Just think right at this moment they might have their heads inside my novel............laughing so much their stomachs hurt or crying from the bad spelling and even worse punctuation!
I have been extremely naughty and I confess I have broken my resolve to keep away from the temptation of shopping T.V. and I have made another purchase! There I have said it... and what’s more, I am not sorry. My deranged friends (Zoe and Chris) are moving into their own place so obviously their life together wouldn’t be successful unless a wok, griddle and frying pan completed the happy scene! I will miss them both so much. I would like to thank them publicly for all their support with my books, thanks too for the laughs and most importantly I’d like to thank them for letting me clear up all their mess!!!! Hey, it’s been a blast.
While I was pottering about in the garden I was excited to see a few little bulbs popping their heads up, suggesting that spring isn’t too far away. This is good news, because I do hate the cold! Girls, I’m sure you’ll agree it can get very tedious when putting on a t-shirt in the winter because I don’t know about you but try as I might I can’t get my n***les to lie down. The little buggers just won’t behave, yes I have even tried sticky tape and plasters but nothing hides them.......roll on summer.
Now for all you singletons out there, or people with forgetful partners. I would like to wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day in advance. I am hoping for a card from a certain dishy film star (Colin Firth), but I feel I am destined to be disappointed again by his sheer lack of commitment. Perhaps he doesn’t know my address? Or his beautiful, stunning , wife won’t let him send me one! Oh well, I can dream can’t I?
I was devastated the other day when I was on my laptop. Gone was my favourite wallpaper of Colin Firth and in its place was Hugh Grant! I nearly had a panic attack I can tell you.......... I should have known that my very bad friend Chris had been meddling with it! I was not amused and I made sure he knew about it. I had to have a glass or two of wine to calm me down but you’ll be relieved to know its back to normal now.
I have started to pack for my holiday. (Yes, I realise it isn’t until May 5th but I’m extremely excited.) It’s a pointless task really because I don’t know what size I’m going to be, honestly my waistline goes in and out faster than the Hokey-Kokey! Hopefully I will go to Cyprus pale and interesting and come back like a bronzed goddess or more likely a cooked lobster! I always take my notebook and pen on hols because you never know when you might need to jot something down for a book or screenplay. A frustrated, unpublished, author is never off duty you know. I’m like Poirot. (No, I don’t have a curly moustache!) I just mean my little grey cells never rest.
Well as Bugs Bunny says ‘That’s all Folks!’
A Very Frustrated
More to come soon.......................................