Part 9 - 1st May 2010

DIARY OF A FRUSTRATED UNPUBLISHED AUTHOR!
May 1st 2010-Part nine
On Wednesday I’m off to sunny Cyprus, the island of love. In Greek mythology, the goddess of love was born of the sea foam and drifted ashore in Cyprus on a sea shell.
I can’t wait! It’s an all inclusive, adults only, holiday. On the plus side I won’t get a beach ball hurled at my head by an energetic child in the swimming pool but on the down side I confess I will miss the ‘mini disco’. You can’t beat throwing some shapes on the dance floor to old classics like ‘Superman’ or ‘The Birdie Song’. I can’t help liking stupid songs! At least no children will be injured as I race to the front to do ‘Cartoon Heroes’ with the reps!!
I need a break to rest my mind from the enthusiastic characters from my novel....... they are literally running wild in my head! So I will just concentrate on relaxing and having some fun in the sun.
I bet you didn’t know, the cauliflower is said to have been introduced to Europe from Cyprus in 1604. Didn’t know and couldn’t care less eh? But just think what on earth would you put in your cauliflower cheese?
I’m looking forward to seeing the Loggerhead turtles in Cyprus, as long as it doesn’t involve going on the water. I hate boats......I only have to see one and I feel like vomiting. Manic Michelle took me to see Titanic at the cinema quite a few years back........it wasn’t good. I had to go straight home to bed because I felt so sea-sick....yuk!!! Hugh Grant’s always trying to get me to go on a rowing boat with him around Ruislip Lido but I’m not having any of it. I hope he doesn’t follow me to Cyprus...........it gets tiresome hiding from the floppy-haired stalker!
Although I’m very fond of the Greek cuisine I’m going to be very cautious. On a trip to Sardinia I had a lovely steak from the barbeque, yes it was steak but it wasn’t beef steak...............it was horse!! Oh my goodness I had been chomping on ‘Dobbin’ the flipping carthorse. It left me feeling very disturbed for the rest of the holiday...............many people say I’m still disturbed but for completely different reasons. When we went to The Seychelles, deranged Chris ordered Bat curry from a local restaurant we tried one evening. I felt really sorry for him as everyone at our table of 10 wanted to try it, so Chris ended up with only a small amount for himself. It always makes me titter with laughter when I go abroad and see Colin on the menu. So many European countries call the fish Pollock, Colin! I always order it because it’s the only time that I’ll ever get a nibble of Colin; even if it isn’t of the Firth variety. I’m so bad!!
I’d like to wish my deranged friends Chris and Zoe good luck in their X-Factor auditions (happening today). Whatever happens they are both stars in my eyes!!
Right I’m off to paint my toenails for the holiday and do some other personal things that might make my eyes water. Life’s a beach!
P.D. Scott xxx