Part 3 - 27th Jan 2010

DIARY OF FRUSTRATED UNPUBLISHED AUTHOR!
27th Jan 2010- Part 3
Oh goodness me I have done it!!! No, not got my books published, I have been the naughtiest girl and purchased the D.V.D. ‘Dorian Gray’. I really didn’t intend to, it was beyond my control. I was simply overtaken by some incomprehensible force that turned me from a normal-ish being into a zombie-like beast and before I knew it the D.V.D. was in my shopping trolley. On the plus side I did pay for it with my Sainsbury’s nectar points, so that’s not too bad is it? As soon as the guilt passes I will sit down in front of the T.V. and watch it to my heart’s content, sad person aren’t I?
I am having trouble with my screen play, I’ve got a mental block! I know what I want to happen and I know who says what, but I can’t put it into words. My floor is strewn with crumpled pieces of paper, it would be so easy to chuck the laptop out into the garden in a fit of rage but sanity is controlling me (just). I think I might go out for a walk later until I calm down and then I’ll try again.
I still haven’t bought anything this year from the shopping channels. I’m expecting a phone call from them soon asking if I’m now deceased. (I’m not!)
I have taken the time to put in my ‘Cosmic Order ’(see part 2), so any time now things could start to happen (or not, whatever the case may be). Wouldn’t it be great if sometime soon I walked into a book shop and saw one of my books on the shelf? It would be sooooooooo exciting I’d probably wet myself. Sorry, too much information!! It’s not about the money, although it would be nice to treat the family members from time to time. It certainly isn’t about fame because I wouldn’t want that either, but I would love to know that one of my books made someone smile, even if it was only at how bad it was!!
Now the snow has cleared I have planted my Christmas tree seeds, along with the reindeer poo. Not sure what to do with them, so I think I will leave them to fend for themselves. I don’t know what my cat’s going to make of it when she goes out to check her territory.
My diet is going well..........instead of reaching for the biscuits I reach for last year’s holiday snaps of me frolicking in the waves at Zante. This year I will not be parading along the beach at Pernera with a jelly belly! I spend my whole life on a diet, either before an event or to repair the damage after an event. I guess it has to be done........you never know when a certain film star (Colin Firth) may drop in for coffee. (obsessed moi?) Of course not!
I’m sure you’ll agree I really should get a life.......well I am trying but these literary agents are very elusive indeed! Do literary agents hibernate for the winter? Or are they an endangered species, perhaps they’re mystical beings like fairies and Father Christmas! I think the only possible answer is to win the lottery, go to the vanity publishers and pay to get my books in print myself. Oh look there goes a flying pig!
Minor tremors of excitement have been rippling through the neighbourhood because the cheeky chappies Ant and Dec have been in the area. They have been filming something for their new show, so our little town is soon to be on the T.V.! Wow how thrilling. Pinner must really be a sleepy place to be so excited over something like this (yawn yawn). Only kidding, I think they’re quite funny really. My deranged friend Zoe was most upset when she couldn’t get the time off work to go and stalk them! I think they had a very lucky escape there! I can just imagine how they’d feel if they came across her with her tongue hanging out, drool dripping from her mouth! I often find her ogling my calendar of Colin Firth........I wouldn’t mind so much if she didn’t leave lipstick marks all over it! Don’t get me wrong she’s a lovely girl, but she thinks she’s a fairy!!!
I would also love to tell you about another manic friend of mine, but she has banned me from writing all about her antics. Let’s just say her name is Michelle and she has a major pirate fetish going on and leave it there, shall we?
Oh well I’ve ranted on for long enough.
P.D. Scott
A Very Frustrated
Unpublished
Author.

(On the verge of being published????? Maybe not!)



More to come soon...........................................