Part 6 - 15th Mar 2010

DIARY OF A FRUSTRATED UNPUBLISHED AUTHOR!
Mar. 15th 2010 – part six
Well, I have good news and bad news. I have had yet another knock back from the publishers. According to them, they have such a high volume of work they aren’t taking anyone else onto their books. In other words your book is crap and we will not be taking a risk on it!!! I’ve still got to hear from one more literary agent to turn me down, but in the meantime I have sent my screenplay off to the script room at the B.B.C. Apparently you don’t need an agent with them. They get around 10,000 scripts sent to them each year so it will be around 4 months until I hear one way or another. I was feeling so optimistic a couple of weeks ago but I’m not sure I’m cut out to take all these knocks and setbacks. I guess this is how Hugh Grant must feel when I keep turning him down. I wish he’d get the message and stop ringing! At least he hasn’t found me on Facebook yet.....
If that wasn’t bad enough Colin Firth still hasn’t moved into my spare room.........to be quite frank he hasn’t even enquired about it yet. I guess he hasn’t seen my card in the newsagent’s window!!!! Doesn’t he realise I’d peel and feed him grapes while he reclined and watched the ‘Jerry Springer’ show? Surely he’d prefer my life to tripping the light fantastic on the red carpet with his beautiful co-stars? There is no comparison really!
I’m in the middle of writing the most taxing chapter of my book. It’s very difficult to write because it’s crammed full of s*x. I’m blushing even thinking about it! Let’s just say it’s not a book you could lend your dear old Aunt Jessica , or even your rather strange Uncle Trevor. If only my neighbours knew what I was writing about behind closed curtains.
I watched the film ‘Becoming Jane’ the other evening. It was about the writer Jane Austen, she never married but she did manage to make her living by her pen. I would have loved to have lived in that era.....everyone was so polite. All the men were ‘agreeable’ and the women were frequently ‘diverted’. Yes I think I would have liked to be agreeably diverted by a man like Mr Darcy in his white breeches. No need for Tommy and Kate handbags, you could hide everything in your underskirts. A great place for packed lunches and a flask! The only problem I can see is no shopping T.V. and I can’t possibly give that up.........I am addicted.
Note to Simon Cowell: If you have any sense you will leave the country before the X-Factor auditions begin. My deranged friends Chris and Zoe are entering and I think Zoe may try to allure Simon with her ‘fairy cakes’. (Is it me or does that sound a bit iffy?) Chris is working on a sob story,(no one gets through unless you had a bad childhood etc.) but I fear the only crying will be when he starts to sing. Anyway beware!!!
Now to get busy with my spring cleaning, what I can’t do with a feather duster isn’t worth doing!!
Catch you next time....................
P. D. Scott.