Part 7 - 31st Mar 2010

DIARY OF A FRUSTRATED UNPUBLISHED AUTHOR!
March 31st 2010-Part seven
Can it be true are bum bags really back in fashion? I am convinced some drunken fashion designer sits behind his huge desk trying to find ways to make the general public look like idiots. Well no matter how hot bum bags get I will not be wearing one. Neither will I be sporting a pair of 3D glasses in the cinema......yes I realise its dark but there’s no excuse not to look stylish and elegant at all times. You never know who you might end up sitting next to (Colin Firth). He can share my popcorn anytime!
My diet is going well. I have lost a stone and have ordered some clothes in a smaller size. There was a report saying that if you have a glass of red wine everyday it can be a slimming aid. How great is that? It is the answer to all my problems........just imagine how much I could lose if I drink the whole bottle? Does it work like that? Yeah!!!!!! If the red wine fails I have seen a pair of jeans with a secret panel. Apparently when you slip into them they wrench up your buttocks in one swift movement giving you a marvellous uplift! Fab or what?
I had a postcard from the B.B.C. informing me that my script is in the ‘Writers room’ and it will be read within the next few months. I expect Colin Firth is constantly begging them to take a look at the new script, I bet he can’t wait to start filming! They should scrap the coverage of the Grand Prix and plough the money back into finding exciting new screen writers!
The sun is out and so are the stilettos. I felt like the bees’ knees as I meandered down to Eastcote High Street, until I got my heel stuck in a drain cover. Unfortunately it’s not a good look trying to stay calm and collected as you do your best to wriggle free without attracting too much attention. I bet it never happens to beautiful people like Kate Winslet or Dame Edna Everage!
My manic friend Michelle is back from the Caribbean. She’s the one that denies any pirate fetish. I did warn her before she went that she wouldn’t see Jack Sparrow and his fiendish friends but did she listen? No! She had a lovely time anyway and didn’t seem too distressed about the lack of naughty boys on ships!
Zoe and Chris (the deranged pair) have made their flat very cosy. Zoe has gone for the ‘Enchanted Kingdom’ look because she is convinced she is a fairy...... ...do fairies play topless, beach-volley ball? Chris has concentrated more on ‘boys toys’ coupled with a hint of Spiderman (Its best not to know). It looks very welcoming..........if a little unusual.
I have a wicked glint in my eye because I’m feeling extremely mischievous today. So I’m off to cause some trouble. I will either do a streak down Chiswick High Rd (Mr Firth may be there) or else I could do a spot of cow tipping! Perhaps I shouldn’t streak, can you imagine the headlines? Actor Colin Firth was mown down by a naked woman as he wandered down the High Rd in West London. The A-list star is said to be recovering in a private clinic. His agent said simply “He is a gibbering wreck!” Cow tipping it is then!!
P.D. Scott. X